After more than 40 years in martial arts and over 20 years running Synergy Martial Arts, I’ve taught a lot of kicks.
Front kicks. Roundhouse kicks. Side kicks. Spinning hook kicks.
Thousands upon thousands of kicks.
And if I’m being completely truthful, I’ve probably said “Bend your knee!” enough times to qualify for some kind of world record.
But here’s something I’ve come to understand after all these years.
Some of the most important lessons I’ve ever taught had absolutely nothing to do with kicking.
They happened between the kicks.
It’s Not Always About the Technique
Parents bring their children to martial arts for all kinds of reasons.
Some want their child to learn self defence. Others want confidence, discipline, fitness or focus. Some simply want their child to get off the couch and do something that doesn’t involve a screen.
All perfectly good reasons.
And yes, we teach Taekwondo. We teach kicks, punches, forms, sparring, self defence and all the physical skills that come with martial arts training.
But something else is happening in that room.
Something that doesn’t always show up on a belt promotion certificate.
We’re teaching children how to deal with people.
And believe me, that’s sometimes a lot harder than learning a spinning hook kick.
The Little Moments Are the Big Moments
Think about what happens during an ordinary class.
A student struggles with a technique, and another student stops to help.
A younger child gets frustrated, and an older student offers encouragement.
Two students disagree about something, and instead of immediately running to an adult, they learn to talk it through.
Someone accidentally bumps into another student and learns to say, “I’m sorry.”
Someone gets knocked down and discovers that another person is there to help them back up.
These moments might last only a few seconds.
But they’re important.
Because learning to help someone up is every bit as valuable as learning how to knock someone down.
Maybe even more valuable.
Sometimes I Stop Teaching Taekwondo to Teach Life
There have been countless times over the years when I’ve stopped a class because something happened that needed addressing.
Not because someone threw a kick incorrectly.
But because someone was being unkind.
Someone wasn’t listening.
Someone was excluding another student.
Or someone needed to understand that their actions affect the people around them.
And sometimes, the entire class needs to hear the lesson.
Do I lose a few minutes of teaching kicks?
Absolutely.
Do I consider those minutes wasted?
Not for a second.
Because a child who can throw a beautiful side kick but doesn’t know how to treat another person with respect is missing something far more important.
A technically perfect kick doesn’t excuse a lousy attitude.
And a black belt certainly doesn’t give anyone permission to be a jerk.
The Quiet Kids Teach Us Something Too
Not every child who walks through our doors is outgoing, athletic or confident.
Some are painfully shy.
Some struggle to make friends.
Some have difficulty following instructions or learning new movements.
Some need a little more patience, a little more encouragement and a little more time.
And that’s okay.
I’ve always believed that our job as instructors isn’t simply to teach the children who find martial arts easy.
It’s to find ways to reach the children who don’t.
Sometimes success isn’t a perfect kick.
Sometimes success is a shy child finally raising their hand to answer a question.
Sometimes it’s a student who normally gives up deciding to try one more time.
Sometimes it’s a child who has struggled socially finding someone in class who wants to be their partner.
Those moments don’t come with medals.
But to me, they’re victories.
And some of them are bigger than anything that happens at a tournament.
We’re Teaching Children to Be Part of Something
One of the things I love most about teaching martial arts is watching children learn that the world doesn’t revolve around them.
I know. Shocking concept!
In class, they have to wait their turn.
They have to share equipment.
They have to work with students who may be younger, older, stronger, smaller or completely different from them.
They don’t always get to choose their partner.
They don’t always get to do their favourite activity.
And sometimes, they have to do something simply because it’s their responsibility.
Welcome to life!
These are valuable lessons.
Because outside the Dojang, they’re going to encounter people they don’t agree with, situations they don’t like and responsibilities they didn’t ask for.
Learning how to handle those moments with patience, respect and maturity is part of growing up.
And martial arts gives us a wonderful environment to practise.
The Instructor Has to Live the Lesson Too
Here’s something I think is especially important.
We can’t expect children to demonstrate patience, kindness and respect if we aren’t willing to demonstrate those same qualities ourselves.
An instructor can demand respect all day long.
But children are watching how we behave.
How do we respond when someone makes a mistake?
How do we treat a struggling student?
Do we admit when we’re wrong?
Do we listen?
Do we lead by example, or do we simply expect everyone to follow because of the belt around our waist?
I’ve always believed that the responsibility of an instructor goes far beyond teaching techniques.
We are examples, whether we realize it or not.
And after all these years, I’m still learning how to be a better one.
What I Hope They Remember
One day, many of the children I teach will stop practising Taekwondo.
That’s simply reality.
They’ll grow up, go to school, pursue careers, raise families and find their own paths.
They may forget the names of the forms.
They may forget how to perform a spinning hook kick.
They may even forget how many push-ups I made them do.
Although I suspect some of them will remember those forever!
But here’s what I hope stays with them.
I hope they remember to help someone who’s struggling.
I hope they remember that being strong doesn’t mean being cruel.
I hope they remember to stand up for themselves without putting others down.
I hope they remember that mistakes are opportunities to learn, not reasons to quit.
And I hope they remember that respect isn’t something you demand from others. It’s something you demonstrate through your actions.
Because those lessons will serve them long after their dobok has been folded away for the last time.
More Than Kicks and Punches
I’ve said many times that the children who train at Synergy become more than just students to me.
They become part of my heart.
And when you care about someone, you want more for them than a good roundhouse kick or another stripe on their belt.
You want them to become good people.
People with confidence, compassion, integrity and the courage to do what’s right.
That’s why we talk about Black Belt DNA at Synergy.
Because having a black belt in your heart matters far more than having one around your waist.
So yes, we’ll keep teaching the kicks.
We’ll keep practising the forms, working on our sparring and correcting those bent knees.
But we’ll also keep stopping to talk about kindness, accountability, patience and respect.
Because after more than four decades in martial arts, there’s one thing I know for certain.
The kicks might be what brings them through the door.
But the lessons between the kicks are what I hope they carry through life.
— John Kolakovic
Synergy Martial Arts | Leaside, Toronto